apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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