I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
