The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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