Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
