if only i could text you this smell
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
