now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
