But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
