I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
