sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
