the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
