I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
