So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
