what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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