I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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