I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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