she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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