I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
