i just wanna soil my oats bro
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
