i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
