using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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