We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We don't watch enough power rangers
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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