My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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