I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
