this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
