My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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