So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
