I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
