you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
