Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
