You just made me feel so damn special
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
