She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
