Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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