So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
