So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
