It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
