some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
