They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
