awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
