There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
