I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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