There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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