you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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