paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Never joke about your clitoris.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
