Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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