i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
