I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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