Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
