I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
