K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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