yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
