whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
